When Nachum Tzvi was only 8 years old, I had
taken him out of school. Sure, he was at the tender age when children want to
explore, create, innovate, and imagine – a time when most children would be
bogged down in school work. In second grade, I saw that he was being bullied by
his teacher, so I decided to give homeschooling a try. And what happened? Well,
he thrived. He excelled in the curriculum, but what struck me most, however,
was his love and passion for painting. This was something that I truly believe
we may have never discovered if he were still in school.
Since then, things have changed dramatically.
He’s a young adult now, and he’s back at that school, which I had taken him out
of. In fact, things have become so dire, that it almost feels like a horror
movie. Imagine yelling at the TV screen and saying something like: “No! Why are
you going back into the dark, empty room!?”
His mother had gotten remarried – and although
we were happy for her, she married into money. She pays his tuition, despite
knowing that his teachers are driving a wedge between him and me. This is the
reciprocity I get for teaching my son to respect his mother. Could it be she
has been getting back at me since she precipitated the divorce; she never paid
for child support except for a few scraps here and there, but I question: is
she continuing to drive a stake into mine and my son’s relationship?
Although I am his father, he doesn’t see me as a
father figure. My son thinks that the Rosh Yeshiva loves him like a father, but
maybe it’s simpler than that. Perhaps the Rosh Yeshiva hates me and is simply
using him as a tool to get back at me. The Rosh Yeshiva said to me two years
ago, “Do you want him to relate to you? It isn’t like you have a family of
twenty children; he is your only child as far as I know. So, you want to play
hardball with him? I think you are spiting yourself more than anybody else
because you’re the only one who loses – you lose your relationship with your
son.” Is he using my son against me, as well?
I’m the antagonist – but how could that be? The
two of them are reinterpreting my son’s history. The school lets us know that
non-compliant parents are cause for alienation. They take special interests in
students who come from split homes and they use it to suit their needs and
pursue their own agenda. The Rosh Yeshiva has found a proper, or better an
improper, parent to be in cahoots with.
Recently, my son did something to me that would
be considered disgusting under a normal father-son relationship. But in our
warped relationship, I saw things differently. In the Bible (Numbers 12:14),
God said to Moses, “Were her father to spit in her face, would she not be
humiliated for seven days? Let her be quarantined outside the camp for seven
days, and then she may be brought in.” The humiliation she suffered would atone
for offending her father (please email me on how she offended her father).
I should have spit in his face, for his
atonement, for telling me to get up. But COVID-19, however, would prevent me
from doing that. So, my only alternative is to let him redeem himself. I
decided to let him be “quarantined” with me for seven days and will even pay
him $1,000 a day to do so. Can there be a greater display of fatherly love than
for me to give him a generous incentive to help him make amends when he should
really be paying me to forgive him? I’d have to admit, I’m not exactly angry at
my son; however, such behavior can’t go without admonishment. I know he’s being
directed to act this way toward me by his mom and Rosh Yeshiva. How do I know
that?
Well, the one he follows wrote me a letter
explaining that he had told my son not to keep the fifth commandment of
honoring your father. I showed this letter to his mom and she had no comment,
(I’m sure she relished that he didn’t mention anything about dishonoring her).
If it isn’t clear enough, I can make it clearer – my son is being indoctrinated
into hating his father. He also wrote that he should stand up against me and
resist me, which his mother refused to comment on.
Recently, my son turned down an offer to earn
$30,000 for the summer and instead, he worked at the school’s camp, in the
Catskills, as a lifeguard for free. Apparently, his teacher thought it was in
my son’s best interest to – quite literally – get his feet wet than to
figuratively get his feet wet and make money.
Sure, we all know that money isn’t everything.
And maybe my son is a man of good principles. That would be fine if he were
able to articulate those principles, but he can’t. I have my own principles; if
you don’t respect money, then money doesn’t respect you.
With that in mind, I knew I had to try something
else. I took matters into my own hands, and I’ve begun selling the paintings
that he had made for me. The first painting grossed enough to pay for $2,000
worth of his health insurances premium. This next painting that I have for sale
comes with this story – all of the proceeds will go toward a rescue attempt.
You see, I’m planning to rescue my son from their hands – and I need your help.
As you can see from the painting, there is
special emphasis on the base. The base represents me, and my son is the stems.
The flowers are cut off, which would indicate that there was going to be some
kind of interruption to his development. Fortunately, there are other paintings
which depict a place of serenity and consolation.
Perhaps you can use this painting as a message
for your own children or grandchildren. Teach by example show them and tell
them so they will not turn from your side.
Perhaps you can call my son so he can redeem the
painting himself. I'm not sure he gets my letters as he doesn't write me back
or remember getting them. Also, he doesn't come by to say hello so it's a shame
that he doesn't know what is going on. I will save these emails so when he
comes to his senses, he'll see I did my best to try to reach him.